The Church Meeting in Jesus’ Name
602 Oak Knoll Dr.
San Antonio, TX 78228
Epistle
July 2024
2024-25 Event Calendar
JULY 13, 3:00 pm
∙ 50th Anniversary Celebration
JULY 21 – 28
∙ Mission Conference
OCTOBER 19
∙ Men’s Meeting
DECEMBER 1
∙ Thanksgiving Sunday
∙ Dinner on the Grounds
JANUARY 10 & 11 (or 17 & 18)
∙ México Pastors’ meeting in Leon, GTO
JANUARY 31 – FEBRUARY 9
∙ Revival Meeting with David Spurgeon
Hate Among Brethren
3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours.
4 And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him. Genesis 37
We consider love of family to be the norm. Siblings should love each other. Nevertheless, rivalry between siblings, and even strong resentment, is pretty common, and fairly easily explained. Competition, inevitable inequality, envy, annoyance and age difference all contribute to it. But hate is something else. Joseph’s brethren hated him. Their hatred was so deeply rooted that they could not speak normally to him.
I’m sure I can’t completely explain it, but I’ve seen it. I know it happens. Perhaps some families are simply dysfunctional, and the children are emotionally stunted or socially disabled. Perhaps persistent abuse, violence or negligence contributes. But what about an otherwise functional family that finds itself experiencing genuine hatred among only some of its siblings?
Consider Joseph’s brothers. They knew how to love. They protected each other. Simeon and Levi, the second and third sons of Jacob, clearly more decisive and confident than the firstborn Ruben, who when their little sister was seduced by Shechem, were so incensed by what he had done to her they murdered him and all his male relatives. That’s extreme, no doubt, a testimony to a savage era of vigilante justice, but the reason they gave was in so many words that they loved their little sister. They were zealous to protect her. So why wouldn’t they love their little brother?
The reason given in our text is that Joseph was Jacob’s favorite. He was called “the son of his old age.” At first glance that detail is curious to me, but to explain why requires a little background. There are precise details about Jacob’s life found in the book of Genesis, and when scrutinized, like all Bible books are, more than any other text in history, they are a powerful confirmation of the book’s genuineness.
Notice that Joseph was 17 years old when he was sold to the Ishmeelites and taken to Egypt as a bondservant (Gen. 37.2). He was 30 years old when he first stood before Pharaoh (41:46). Seven years of plenty passed (41.53) and then two years of famine (45.6) before Joseph revealed himself to his brethren. By the time Jacob returns to Egypt with his sons to see Joseph himself, Joseph is 39 years old, and his father Jacob declares to Pharaoh that he was 130 years old (47.9). That means Joseph was born to Jacob when Jacob was 91. Joseph was born just before the 14th year ended of Jacob’s contracted service to Laban (30.25), so Jacob had arrived in Padanaram when he was 77. Jacob married Leah and Rachel after 7 years of service (29.18,21), making him 84. This means all eleven of Jacob’s sons, and his only daughter, were born within the second 7 year period of Jacob’s contract labor. It also means Leah had 7 children in those 7 years, and part of that time she had “left bearing” (29.35). True, Zebulun and Dinah may have been twins, but that still makes Leah a remarkable woman.
When Jacob decided to leave Padanaram after having lived there 20 years (31.38), he was 97. Soon after his round about journey back to Bethel, and after the conflict in Canaan where Dinah was seduced by Shechem, Rachel gave birth to Benjamin, and died in the city that would one day be called Bethlehem. No detail is given as to Jacob’s age when Benjamin was born, but Simeon and Levi had killed the men of a town just before, in retribution over Shechem’s fornication with Dinah, indicating they were full grown men. They were born when Jacob was 85 or 86 meaning by this time we can estimate Jacob to be at least 104.
So that’s my curiosity as to why the narrator explains the love Jacob had for Joseph as because he was the “son of his old age.” It doesn’t seem to make sense. Joseph was only slightly younger than Zebulun and Dinah, months if not weeks, and only 6 years younger than the oldest of his brothers. Benjamin was probably 13 or 14 years younger than Joseph. And Benjamin is later also called “the son of his old age” (44.20). So why would 22 year olds be that envious and resentful of a 17 year old when there was a 4 year old sitting on Daddy’s lap?
Well, there’s more to it than that. Joseph was Jacob’s favorite for several reasons. He was Rachel’s only child for 13 years, and Rachel was his favorite wife. And Joseph was indeed the youngest all that time when the personalities of all the children were forming. The youngest is often doted upon by Daddy, and older siblings often resent that fact. Furthermore, Joseph was fiercely loyal to his father, even telling on his half brethren when they did wrong. Apparently Joseph didn’t fit into the company of his brothers, having a much less rebellious disposition. It’s sad, but true, that goody two-shoes siblings are going to suffer.
Besides being the favorite, Joseph had another problem relating to his brothers. God had chosen Joseph, and had called him for a special purpose. Apparently God began to manifest this calling when Joseph was 17 years old. Joseph began having dreams. These dreams were easily interpretable, and everyone who heard him recount them knew what they meant. My sheaf arose and stood upright, while all of your sheaves made obeisance to my sheaf! The nerve! The sun and moon and eleven stars made obeisance to me! Shut up already! Jacob recognized the awkwardness of Joseph’s revelations, and rebuked him. His brothers envied him already, and now he was just making things worse. Still, hate seems an inappropriately severe reaction.
I’m sure we could profit from studying the mistakes of Jacob in his unequal treatment of his children. And I’m sure we could learn from Joseph’s obliviousness about the way he came across. But the aspect of this phenomenon that interests me at this moment is how the animosity became so overwhelming. And this interests me because I have seen it in the church. People who once loved one another can become so annoyed that they no longer will speak to each other. They come to harbor no inkling of interest in the wellbeing of their once close friends. The reaction is so unreasonable and disproportionate it makes me think that some spiritual shenanigans are going on. Hatred seems to have a mind of its own, and a strategy to thrive. And the story of Joseph’s brethren may yield some clues. Such hatred among brethren only seems to grow and thrive when it’s needs are met. For normal rivalry and resentment to grow into that level of hatred 1) it needs to be nursed, 2) it needs to be fed, and 3) it needs to be masked.
Nursing your wounds
Conflict is inevitable, even in a functional family or church. Anger is an understandable reaction in many altercations, yes, even in church. Anger is an emotion, and emotions erupt, but then they should normally subside. Isn’t that why our parents used to tell us to count to ten when we are angry? It certainly is relevant that the Bible tells us to “let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” When someone does us wrong it is normal to be angry, and not necessarily sin, but what does it require for such anger to turn into hatred? I’ll tell you, you have to nurse your anger if you want it to last. You have to remember it, brood over it, hold it fast. If life begins to distract you from it, you have to pause and remind yourself.
In some measure you have to enjoy the grief, the grinding, the burn within. If this seems difficult to imagine you are fortunate. I’ve experienced this, and I’ve seen it much too often in others. Somehow we can enjoy the roller-coaster of spite, disdain and disgust with the objects of our resentments. If we seem to forget, a fleeting memory of it can make us regurgitate it, and we can waste hours chewing the cud. Brooding is common. Grudges can harden like concrete. I wish it weren’t, but this attitude is a very present phenomenon in all churches. Still, this alone isn’t enough.
Feeding the frenzy
No matter the fierceness of the grudge, with time it will lose relevance. If you want to preserve your injury it needs to become a relevant corollary to someone else’s injury. Joseph’s brothers would talk to each other about their resentments. They would feed each other’s cancer. Only then can the hatred swell. Twice Solomon said:
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. Proverbs 18:8
Such hatred among brethren survives and thrives when brethren are willing to share it. Common cause is its nourishment. No matter that the injuries are not related. No matter that no context is considered when sharing. If resentment is to become hatred it must feed like a tongue that is set on fire of hell. But it needs something else.
Masking the beast
Even in the most vicious person hatred must have some justification. But most hatred cannot survive scrutiny. Most injuries do not justify hatred. Road rage is absurd in itself, because we are dealing with rudeness in traffic, which is by all measurements trivial. Joseph’s offences simply could never rise to the occasion to justify their hatred of him. Was he spoiled? Certainly. Was he arrogant? Probably. So what? Everyone with a pinch of competence is susceptible to pride. It just doesn’t justify hatred. So they didn’t try to justify it. They avoided the scrutiny. They wouldn’t talk to Jacob about it. They wouldn’t confront the boy himself. If they are forced to argue their case they will be exposed as petty. So they mask their hatred.
You may notice that so many of the conflicts that turn into hatred, in families or in churches, are of the Goldilocks variety. For hatred to thrive, the injury that spawned it must be serious and pervasive enough to be difficult to overlook, but not so serious and pervasive to force reasonable confrontation. When the offence is in this Goldilocks zone it can turn into hatred.
Serious offences and injuries are resolved regularly in church. Grave sin is confronted, financial harm is corrected, broken hearts are mended in every church that tries to follow Bible teaching. Often serious faults and even crimes do not produce any hatred at all. But hatred swells and thrives when the offence is real, but just not worth confronting. And when it happens again the wound is gouged deeper, but the offence isn’t greater. The resentment grows, but the transgression is the same, and relatively minor. And postponement of the problem makes it even more difficult to engage over. And after time what should have been an easy problem to resolve becomes a raging fire that cannot be quenched.
I’ve known conflicts that began as minor miscommunication that turned into abiding hatred. I know people who have deep and lasting resentment in their souls over nothing more than words. Hatred is too mild a description. Over words. Over pride. Over personality friction.
Joseph suffered in the wise providence of God, but he, his father and his brothers lost a blessing in their childhood. Many churches also have lost a blessing, lost fellowship, lost joy, lost increase, lost souls, because of Goldilocks offences that were nurtured, fed and masked until they were out of control. If you are experiencing any of this, stop it. Break the chain at any link. Stop brooding, stop commiserating, and stop pretending. Hate is vile. Don’t let it suck your soul dry.
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Hebrews 12