The Church Meeting in Jesus’ Name

602 Oak Knoll Dr.

San Antonio, TX 78228

Epistle

January 2022

2022 Event Calendar

FEBRUARY 13-20

• Pastor Bevins Welder  Sunday 13th
• Pastor David Peacock Monday – Wednesday 14th – 16th
• Pastor Mike Ragan Thursday – Sunday 17th – 20th

APRIL 23

• Women’s Conference

JUNE 13 –17

• Vacation Bible School

JULY 20 – 24

• Mission Conference

OCTOBER  15

• Men’s Meeting

 

Bite the Tongue

Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work, To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.   Titus 3:1,2

One of Paul’s strengths as a minister was equipping younger men to do what he did. Dwight Moody once advised ministers not to do the work of ten men, but to get ten men to do the work. The wisdom in that is self-evident. The letters to Timothy and Titus record many of Paul’s instructions to these spiritually empowered younger men, and valuable advice to all of us throughout the ages. In our text Paul outlines a few challenging objectives to teach to believing young men (2.6) and servants (2.9), considering the tendency of both to grumble and overreact. Can you imagine young men being obedient, ready to work, gentle and meek? When that happens it is a true marvel.

But Paul mentions that they also should not speak evil of any man. This is such a broad commandment that it defies our understanding. Our temperament inclines us to relate to others what we know about mutual acquaintances. And when someone does us wrong, we want to tell the tale. We need to “vent.” Scarcely do we recognize our own perverse motivations in doing so. We feel righteous, indignant, and justified in telling the simple truth about the miserable creature that did us wrong. But this simple and unqualified command leaves us without relief. Are we truly required to bite our tongue, and leave the injustice buried in obscurity? What if the rascal does it to someone else? Aren’t we obligated to protect them by just relaying the facts we know? Apparently not.

The sin described here is a tricky shape-shifting temptation that lures us into harming believers and congratulating ourselves for doing it. It is called by other names in the scriptures, all beautifully appropriate, such as reviling, backbiting, whispering and talebearing. It is not the sin of slander, because what we say is actually true. But it is a sin nonetheless, a deep slimepit that has brought misery to believers throughout the ages. John Wesley has some valuable insights on the subject in a sermon, The Cure of Evil Speaking, which can be found online: http://godrules.net/library/wsermons/wsermons49.htm

1. “Speak evil of no man,” says the great Apostle: — As plain a command as, “Thou shalt do no murder.” But who, even among Christians, regards this command? Yea, how few are there that so much as understand it? What is evil-speaking? It is not, as some suppose, the same with lying or slandering. All a man says may be as true as the Bible; and yet the saying of it is evil-speaking. For evil-speaking is neither more nor less than speaking evil of an absent person; relating something evil, which was really done or said by one that is not present when it is related. Suppose, having seen a man drunk, or heard him curse or swear, I tell this when he is absent; it is evil-speaking. In our language this is also, by an extremely proper name, termed backbiting. Nor is there any material difference between this and what we usually style tale-bearing. If the tale be delivered in a soft and quiet manner (perhaps with expressions of good-will to the person, and of hope that things may not be quite so bad,) then we call it whispering. But in whatever manner it be done, the thing is the same; — the same in substance, if not in circumstance. Still it is evil-speaking; still this command, “Speak evil of no man,” is trampled under foot; if we relate to another the fault of a third person, when he is not present to answer for himself.
2. And how extremely common is this sin, among all orders and degrees of men! How do high and low, rich and poor, wise and foolish, learned and unlearned, run into it continually! Persons who differ from each other in all things else, nevertheless agree in this. How few are there that can testify before God, “I am clear in this matter; I have always set a watch before my mouth, and kept the door of my lips!” What conversation do you hear, of any considerable length, whereof evil-speaking is not one ingredient? and that even among persons who, in the general, have the fear of God before their eyes, and do really desire to have a conscience void of offence toward God and toward man.
3. And the very commonness of this sin makes it difficult to be avoided. As we are encompassed with it on every side, so, if we are not deeply sensible of the danger, and continually guarding against it, we are liable to be carried away by the torrent. In this instance, almost the whole of mankind is, as it were, in a conspiracy against us. And their example steals upon us, we know not how; so that we insensibly slide into the imitation of it. Besides, it is recommended from within as well as from without. There is scarce any wrong temper in the mind of man, which may not be occasionally gratified by it, and consequently incline us to it. It gratifies our pride, to relate those faults of others whereof we think ourselves not to be guilty. Anger, resentment, and all unkind tempers, are indulged by speaking against those with whom we are displeased; and, in many cases, by reciting the sins of their neighbors, men indulge their own foolish and hurtful desires.
4. Evil-speaking is the more difficult to be avoided, because it frequently attacks us in disguise. We speak thus out of a noble, generous (it is well if we do not say,) holy indignation, against these vile creatures! We commit sin from mere hatred of sin! We serve the devil out of pure zeal for God! It is merely in order to punish the wicked that we run into this wickedness. “So do the passions” (as one speaks) “all justify themselves,” and palm sin upon us under the veil of holiness!

I recommend the whole sermon, which gives practical advice to those of us who have been injured or aggrieved by another believer, based on Jesus’ instructions in Mat. 18.15-17. But for the moment contemplate the evil of speaking evil, the subtilty of it, the injustice in it, and the grievous harm it does.

Subtilty

For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults:   2 Corinthians 12:20

How often do we speak evil of another completely unaware that we are doing something seriously wrong? Do criticisms of our closest brethren roll off our tongue as easily as references to the weather? Be slow to pat yourself on the back. Do you know something negative about someone second hand? Do you need to vent when someone offends you? Do you have a close friend in the church you can speak freely with about your dislikes of others? How available are you to listen to objections, to censures, to negative comments framed simply as frank conversation? How important is it to you to express your opinion about someone?

It is certainly easy is to feel justified in speaking up when we are in the right. What is more, when the other fellow is guilty of faults that we don’t happen to be guilty of, we improve our “self-esteem” by bringing them up. And everyone knows how important self-esteem is, right?

Unfortunately, every church I’ve been acquainted with is rife with this problem. Most of us decry bickering among believers, back and forth accusations, bitterness and grudges, but why be upset at strife in the church if we aren’t bothered by the root cause? The willingness to bring up a disagreeable point about someone, or nod when someone shares their opinion about someone (or something they said or did), or the satisfaction of being included in the group “conversation,” all testify to the subtleness of perverse sinfulness in our souls. Yet scarcely does anyone feel remorse for having been a part of it, especially the passive participant, the listener, the “commiserator,” the mature brother or sister in the group! Sin lieth at the door.

The Injustice

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: Mat 18.15

Notice Christ said “alone.” Now when we have been offended, or are displeased by someone, we are not justified in telling such a thing to anyone else until we have spoken directly to the offender. In my time in the ministry I have been made aware of sometimes bitter accusations leveled against a brother, who when confronted about them was completely surprised. He literally had no idea about the complaint. Surely we can see the injustice in that, not to mention the bald disobedience to Christ!

Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:   Proverbs 25:9

But notice this applies only when we are the victims. In what world could we be justified in relating a fault in another when we are not even the victims of the fault! When has second hand information ever been completely reliable? Everyone knows we need both sides of a story. Nicodemus said, Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him? And if a victim tells you his complaint without you immediately insisting he take it up with the offender directly, you are at fault, according to Christ. How much more are you at fault if you hear the evil from someone else.

Second hand information has a tendency to accumulate. One tidbit reminds us of another, and soon every morsel of negativity ever mentioned clumps together in everyone’s mind and memory. No matter that much of what is remembered was taken care of. No matter if confession was made, and forgiveness bestowed. No matter if the telling of it was much worse than the doing of it. Gathered like sticks around the stake, how great a matter a little fire kindleth.

It ought to be mentioned that though this applies broadly to all members of the church, and even acquaintances outside of the church, how much more does this apply to criticisms of the pastors. Remember we are not speaking about false accusations here. This is not about slander. We are considering real faults, and whispering about true accusations. Pastors are not above doing something wrong, and they must be confronted. But the Bible demands that we be extra careful about even true criticisms leveled at pastors.

Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.   1 Timothy 5.19

David was unwilling to kill King Saul even when he was delivered into his power because he was the LORD’s anointed. His heart smote him for simply cutting off a portion of his robe. Yet how easily we criticize the pastor behind his back. Oftentimes we need no actual offense, just a perception, just an evil surmise, just the possibility of an error in judgment, to provoke criticism that never reaches the pastor’s ear, but somehow makes the rounds, from the gray-headed widow to the thumb-sucking child. In such floating criticisms wafting from pew to lobby to parking lot to nursery there is no defense, there is no one to confront, no way to reason things out, no opportunity of explanation, much less genuine correction. It’s wrong in all cases, but severely wrong when against the ones held accountable for our souls.

The Harm

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.   Proverbs 18:8 (26:22)

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.   Proverbs 12:18

So all in all, what’s the big deal? Everyone needs thicker skin, right, especially the pastors. Well, churches have many problems, but some of the most pervasive and destructive are personality conflicts and hurt feelings. How can such minor irritations become so severe? The severity is aggravated by a constant flow of negativity. People become reinforced in their aggravations by a “nutrifying” cesspool of criticisms. The Bible says speaking evil causes division and strife.

A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.   Proverbs 16:28

He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.   Proverbs 17:9

Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.   Proverbs 26:20

And what appeal does the gospel have when accompanied with tales of hypocrisy and faults found on every side within the church? Surely such abundant denigration of other believers harms the cause of the Gospel.

But perhaps the most destructive aspect of speaking evil is the damage it does to Christ’s ministers. All pastors I know are wearied with constant criticism, whether true or not. Not the constructive variety, of course. Constructive criticism is direct, spoken straight from the heart to the pastor himself. Sometimes it is useful, often it is not, but it doesn’t harm when between just the two. But floating criticisms destroy ministries. Pastors often give up, or resort to effeminate crowd pleasing. And strong pastors with knowledge, wisdom and resilience, and willingness to face the spiritual problems in the world, are few and far between. Of course they have faults. And they no doubt reap the consequences of their own personal failures. But why ever would you want to weary or grieve a minister of God, even if engulfed in weaknesses? We want them strengthened, confirmed, established and enthusiastic. The least capable, most fault-riven, God-called pastor can be made better with supporters and encouragers. And no, the church is not better off without him. If your pastor is so character poor that you cannot help him, you are free to leave the church. But you are not free to undermine him by your loose tongue. And after you leave his church, why don’t you leave him be? Why does anyone else beyond his church need to know what you know?

I don’t believe it will go well with evil speakers in that day. The Bible says “revilers” shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Paul’s exhortation to the Ephesians was spot on. It was as if he had seen the flood of negativity in the churches, even in his day.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:   Eph. 4:31

Be aware that evil speaking often presents itself as good and wholesome, but is in reality bitterness and gall.

Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.   Rom. 16.17

It is not wrong to hold our peace. A fool uttereth all his mind. We would do well to overlook an offense.

The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.   Proverbs 19:11

We would do well to bite the tongue.

A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.   Proverbs 11:13